Last Thursday morning I received a phone call - one that would rock my world far harder than I'd ever imagined. My father had passed away the night before. If we had anything that resembled a "normal" relationship then I would have expected to be a complete wreck over this news. We, however, definitely did NOT have a "normal" relationship...or really any relationship at all for that matter.
You see, my father made some very poor decisions throughout his 51 years (yeah, my parents were babies when they got married and had me) on this earth and because of those decisions I made the choice years ago that he had lost the opportunity to be a part of my life. For
Not that it matters anymore, but I didn't hate him. I was extremely disappointed in
A couple of years ago during one of his many stints in prison he tried to contact me, but I wasn't ready to trust him yet so I turned him away again. I didn't trust that he had changed this time like he claimed. I've found out things over the past weekend that make me think he may have finally been on the right path, so now I question that decision and find myself wishing that I could go back and at least give him the benefit of the doubt if even for just a few minutes so I could know for sure. Clearly I can't so I'm left wondering. I've been through a lot in my life, but this by far is the most difficult situation I think I've ever found myself involved with. Quite honestly, it sucks. Plain and simple.
The only good thing I have been about to get out of it is the hope that I learned a difficult lesson. And that? Forgive while you have the chance because tomorrow that chance may be gone.
Now, that I've gotten to this point - I'm not 100% sure of where I was going with this or even why I'm choosing to share it, but I am. So there it is - my father died and I'm way more upset about it that I ever thought possible and unfortunately there's not a darn thing I can do to change the path that brought me here.