Monday, February 14, 2011

The Hardest Thing Ever

If you're looking for a light-hearted V-Day post you may want to stop reading and go
visit someone else's blog.  Don't worry, I won't judge.

By far the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life was leave Abby this morning to come back to work.  Yes, I was supposed to come back Friday, but her and I both woke up Friday morning with fevers so I got one more unexpected day with her.  Although we both felt pretty lousy so it really wasn't much fun and in the end I think it just made this morning that much harder.  Everyone told me it was going to be hard and I totally believed them, but it was way harder than I ever could have imagined.  I cried the entire way to work and I'm pretty sure the tears are still there just waiting for the right moment to spill out again.  I know she will be in good hands.  That's not my fear at all because we're lucky - while I'm at work Abby will either be with her daddy on the days that he's off or with her Mimi and Pappy on the days that he's not.  My fear is that I will miss so much of her life including many firsts and I HATE IT!!!  IT SUCKS!!!  And I wouldn't wish this on anyone.  The tears were indeed waiting just for the record.  Yes, I'm sure it will get easier, but I can guaran-freaking-tee you that it will never be easy for me.  I'm her mommy - I'm the one who's supposed to be there to take care of her everyday and I don't get to and it's just not fair!  Why couldn't I have been a mom in the 50s when staying home and playing house was the norm instead of the exception?  Again, this really sucks!

Tomorrow I'll try to be in a bit of a better mood.
Amber

4 comments:

LG said...

Oh honey I am sorry! I will be thinking about you!

Miss Chelsea said...

I'm not a mommy, but I can only imagine how bad that would suck! Just remember, if you do miss out on any firsts, you'll get to witness them just a few hours later - she'll have time to *perfect* them! =)

Jennifer said...

I don't have a little one yet, but that is my biggest fear already too!! I don't want to miss out on anything, but I don't think we will have the means for me to stay home. Try to be strong and hopefully it will get better!

http://theramblingsofahousewife.blogspot.com/

Erica said...

Thanks for visiting my blog! This post made me sad for you, but I like reading other working mom's blogs. Isn't it the best getting to pick her up everyday though? I'm always so excited to get my daughter at daycare or my mom's, or get to the house if my husband has already picked her up!