Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Pregnancy - Stuff No One Tells You About

So, I've been thinking about writing this post for a while now.  Since I'm a little over 1/2 way through (OMG, really?!?! - insert panicked face here) this pregnancy I've definitely learned a few things along the way.  Sure, everyone tells you about all the great stuff that comes along with being pregnant, but they ever so conveniently leave out the bad stuff and I'm not quite sure why.  I for one wish someone had at least given me a little warning!  With that being said, if you don't want to know about the not so good stuff that comes along with being pregnant stop reading now and just come back later when you're ready.

1.  Your 1st (and maybe even your 2nd depending on your doctor and your circumstances) ultrasound will NOT be done via your belly.  Picture this:  Me and the husband are at the doctor's office for our 1st appointment - we're excited (and a little nervous) to say the least.  I am on the table with a paper gown covering the lower half of my body (so maybe I should have expected it, but I didn't - I thought this was just for the later portion of the appointment that's a lot like an annual exam - I was wrong).  The ultrasound tech comes in and I lift up my shirt totally ready for the squirt of super cold clear jelly.  Instead, she picks up a wand (that if I'm being completely honest looks exactly like a penis) and proceeds to put a condom on it - yes, a condom (perhaps this is supposed to make me feel better about the situation - it doesn't).

"I'm sorry, what the hell is that is and what the hell do you think you're going to do with that?" is what goes through my head (in reality I just say nothing because I'm afraid of what will actually come out if I try).  She proceeds to do exactly what I feared with it - SO not the joyous experience I was hoping for the first time I see a picture of my baby.  I felt completely violated and unprepared! 

To my friends/family members who have had babies before me (and there are quite a few of you out there) - thanks for nothing!  Expect a very large drum set (or something else as equally annoying) for a birthday some time in the future.  If you were going to tell me one negative thing about being pregnant, I would have wanted it to be this!  Maybe being violated by a complete stranger in front of your husband wasn't a big deal to you - it was to me! :)

Image found here
2.  Your hair will grow A LOT.  Now we've all heard about how luxurious pregnancy hair is, but I'm actually referring to the hair everywhere else (not just on your head).  I mean there are days that I feel like Harry from Harry and the Hendersons.  I've literally had to trim some of the hairs on my arms because I'll look down and think it's a hair from my head that's fallen onto my arm only to try to pull it off and realize it's attached!  And my legs, let's not even talk about the fact that (especially since it's summer) I really NEED to shave them EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. (I don't actually, but I should).  And I've always had peach fuzz on my stomach - well (again if I'm being completely honest here), it's turned into a little more than peach fuzz at the moment.  I've seriously considered waxing my belly.  The only thing keeping me from doing it is that I'm sure lava hot wax is probably not the best thing for little Abby.  Instead, I've just resigned to the fact that until she gets here I have a little extra fuzz - thank goodness no one except the husband and my doctor actually see my bare belly.  I mean, as if the increasing size of my waist doesn't already make me feel a little less than attractive, let's add hairiness to the mix please to make it that much worse!  Good grief!

3.  You will pee.  And not just a lot (I knew about that), but when you least expect it.  I remember one morning while brushing my teeth some time around week 8 I gagged (FYI, in case you don't know this, brushing your back teeth will make you gag if not actually vomit).  While I was gagging I also peed a little (there was not a puddle on the floor or anything, but it was enough to run down my leg - I was wearing a skirt).  I had absolutely no control over it and was completely surprised by it.  I had heard stories about this, but I thought this wouldn't happen until I was super preggo - again, I was wrong.  So I got back in the shower to rinse off and had to change clothes.  I learned very quickly to either brush my teeth before I got in the shower or to at least wait to get dressed until after I had brushed my teeth.  It's also possible to pee a little when you sneeze or cough really hard.  As your muscles become stronger this will stop happening (at least until you're super pregnant and then I've been told it returns).  In case you want to hear some pretty funny peeing stories (or you just don't really believe me) click here.

Image found here

Although, I'm sure there are more not-so-fun things about being pregnant, these are the only ones I can think of at the moment.  Any of you other new moms/moms-to-be out there have anything else you wish someone had told you before hand?

* I promise the point of this post was not to complain about being pregnant or to deter anyone from becoming pregnant in the future - it's simply for educational purposes (and humor) only so please don't send me any hate mail! :)



Ms. Emily Ann said...

Eek! Thanks for the heads up! I am not ready for babies for a few more years, but these are some warnings I will definitely remember. The hair one reminded me of Bethenny Getting Married? Did you watch it? She had her husband wax her belly on her honeymoon, very romantic to say the least :)

Amber said...

No problem! Like I said, I wish someone would've warned me. :) No, I've actually never watched that show, but that's pretty funny (and slightly disturbing all at the same time). :)

LG said...

LOL I totally shaved my belly and it looked much better!

Laura@Cowboy Boots said...

i guess you want me to NOT tell you of all the other stuff you have yet to experience that's gross right? haha

Brittany said...

I love this post!! I was definitely not expecting the penis wand when we went in for our first ultrasound! It was quite uncomfortable.

I can totally relate on the hair growth! I feel like I should shave my legs everyday - it doesn't happen but it should!